Today I wore a skull t-shirt and a mohawk to church. Well, partial hawk. I had the full hawk going but just couldn’t bring myself to leave it.
Although, if I may boast for a moment, fabulousness filled my hair from root to tip.
In the back of my mind, however, I felt the disapproval of Vernice and tamed it down.
Vernice, the old lady who led hymns long before I had ever heard the term “worship leader” or sung a praise chorus.
The lady who’s rough-as-a-cobb voice didn’t stop her from seeing a need and filling it.
Ironic for me to think of her when I think of not being accepted?
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m still struggling with my hair.
I’ve received plenty of compliments – people truly surprised to hear I didn’t request this length.
Just this weekend a friend commented about how longer my hair looks in person. The reality is in the past couple of weeks my hair has grown significantly enough to change the look.
Yet still I remain in my vanity, discontent to feel this exposed and out of control.
So I try to compensate. If my hair is going to look ridiculous, at least I want it to seem purposeful.
I rock the hawk in rebellion. I already stand out (at least in my mind) why not be a little funky?
This week has been full of challenges and insecurity.
I thank God for His forgiveness. My sins range from attempting to control my world to falsely believing the liar who tells me I can be in control.
My adventures often take me to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I post about them, not only because I want to share encounters along the way, but I feel being in nature represents a big part of who I am. My true self.
On the trail, I feel at home and accepted, despite a face free of make-up and hair void of product. The friends who accompany me have seen my soul yet aren’t scared away.
I wish I felt the same about walking into the doors of the church. I wish I could be free of the expectations I feel others putting on me.
Because at the end of the day, I don’t know the minds of the people on the trails any more than I do those beside me in the pew. I only think I do.
HE loves me as I am. And that should be enough.
Your Kingdom come…on earth, as it is in heaven.