I’ve been going back and forth in my head debating whether or not I should keep updating this blog. For a while now it just hasn’t felt like something I’ve been drawn to. Perhaps I had a distorted perspective.
I tried to write things people would find interesting or entertaining, something shareable. After all, if I poured myself into a heartfelt piece and no one read it or commented on it, the energy I put into it would have been wasted.
Light-hearted posts have their place. In fact, they are some of my favorites to read. Writing them, however, is a different story. There is no sense of satisfaction after having posted one, nor do I feel like it’s the type of writing I’m good at.
If I may confess, it feels wrong of me to say that I’m good at something. Strange, given that it’s actually sandwiched in a statement about my inability. I’m sure plenty of psychologists would have a field day with the innards of my brain, but that’s not what this particular post is about.
Maybe more on that later, if you’re lucky.
Haha. Insert light-hearted moment here.
So here’s what’s gonna happen.
My darling love gets tired of hearing me say that phrase. I mostly say it to motivate myself. I create a list of real, actionable steps to get me going in the right direction.
What’s wrong with that? You ask. (No? Pretend for my sake mkay?)
Take a look at a sample of monolog on any given evening:
Here’s what’s going to happen.
I’m going to stand up.
Then I’m going to take my dishes to the kitchen.
Then I’m going to brush my teeth.
Then I am going to wash my face.
And then I’m going to crawl in bed.
So you can see why Jay has good reason to be a little annoyed by it. This is most especially true when the Here’s what’s going to happen lists involves things I’m telling him to do.
So here’s what’s gonna happen.
I’ve been reading books and listening to podcasts about all the typical self-development stuff when it comes to the New Year. Weight loss, finding my purpose in God, and silencing the negative voices in my head. From each of these resources comes specific questions for me to wrestle with.
I want to write them out by hand, answering them on paper. Because for whatever reason, the act of pen to paper is like journaling. Typing on a computer, in contrast, is more like an assignment. I will, however, most likely type up the question and my answer, turning it into a blog post.
The motivation for this isn’t because I think my responses will be profound for others, but I do want to give God the opportunity to share it IF he sees fit. Who am I to bury truth that has been revealed to me? Okay, so that sounds a bit dramatic. However, I’m not that much of a private person, so why not publish it just in case?
I’ve read books, articles, and the like about how a writer should work on building platforms to get their work read. I get that there’s a valid reason for people to pursue that route. At this season of my life, I’m just not what I’m called to do it. Maybe I never will be. I struggle too much with self-worth people-pleasing and seeking approval from everyone but God.
So (concisely) here’s what’s gonna happen:
I’m going to listen/read.
Then I’m going to consider, process, and pray.
Then I’m going to use a pretty pen to write words on a paper.
Then maybe (just maybe) I’ll type it up and post it.
Then maybe (just maybe) you’ll read it.