I’ve stopped writing. Trying to get a fix on exactly what my direction in life is, my words became silent. To satisfy my love of words, I turned to books. Like most everything in my life, the ebbs and flows sometimes draw me to creating, other times I devour what others have done.
Over the month of July, I read 10 books, with 6 of those being non-fiction. I’m trying to find my role in the body of Christ, and I’ve looked to these authors as mentors to help me. What I’m finding, however, is that there is no template for the Christian life.
I want it to be that easy. If only the Bible laid out an exact plan for what I’m supposed to be doing, I wouldn’t be in this place of inactivity.
Instead, we’re given this charge: Love God, love my neighbor. I’ve been trying to work through what that looks like, but I can’t help but think I’m coming up short.
Also, for my 36th birthday, I challenged myself to accept who I am, to love me despite my flaws. Is it possible for me to look upon myself as Abba does? So far the answer is no, but instead of hammering through my frustration through the keyboard, I retreated.
After boldly proclaiming freedom from vanity, I fell back into my calorie counting days of old. To monitor my moderation, I told myself, and I honestly believed it. A week later when my moderation and lack of indulgences didn’t net me a weight loss, my reaction was less than grace-filled.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
I am weak. My writing fails to measure up. My thighs measure too much. My work doesn’t excite me. While I believe this verse from the New Testament is absolute truth, in theory, I fail to live it. My behavior doesn’t line up with my belief. Add that to my list of weaknesses.
awkwardly graceful 
“there is no template for the Christian life.” YES! There is a danger in memoir and non-fiction reading. We start to think the lives others lead is the way it is supposed to be. God has something unique for each of us to do. That whole body parts metaphor fits here. Reading with that perspective helps. It also helps to take a step back, see how many books are on the shelf, and realize that no two are alike. God gave each of those writers different experiences and different ways to share those experiences.
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Yes, definitely. Although there are times I wonder if perhaps I’m the appendix. Or maybe tonsils.
In all seriousness tho, that’s a great perspective.
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“My writing doesn’t measure up. My thighs measure too much.” I can’t tell you how much I feel you…except mine is my waist. I am dying to know the books you read!!
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Just finished John Ortberg’s “All the Places To Go” and now on Max Lucado’s “On the Anvil”
I should do book reports!
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I have been feeling the same way. Like I am in a winter phase. I do know and do believe that God is in control and that He is faithful. I am committed to walking with Him. This journey–MY journey–can be walked by no one but me. I am committed to being obedient in the same direction: toward Heaven. This journey is not an instant transformation. I am learning to be passionately patient as He molds me to be like Him. The Spring will come and there will be presence and light and breezes. So I wait–in my little seed buried deeply in the confines of this rich soil of reflection–and wait to bloom.
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That’s beautiful!!
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We are all weak; realizing and admitting it is the first step in the right direction. Keeping our focus on the only One who is always strong, that is the way we know the right direction to go. Jesus said, Follow me.
And as for measuring up or measuring thighs, whose measure are we using? Hopefully God’s and not man’s.
And I’ve found that it is a good thing when what excited me does so no longer, if that something was not God and if the lack of excitement drives me toward Him. His goal for us is not great writing or perfect weight, but rather that we know Him.
So, all in all, you are in a great place! Rejoice! 🙂
Praying your prayer with you in agreement.
Amen
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